Laid off amid the COVID-19 pandemic — Thinking fast but mostly slow
March 23 2020
6:30am: Calendar invitation for a chat with my manager
9:00am: Zoom call lead by the director of my department
9:10am: I’ve been laid off in the middle of a pandemic
Life as I know it has been interrupted
Fast thinking — Entering survival mode
Metaphorically, on March 23 2020, one minute I am on a boat and a few minutes later I realize that I am now in the ocean, the boat is continuing without me and I need to swim!
And so I enter my definition of what survival mode should look like; taking control by having a strict schedule of wake up, meditate, job hunt, sleep, repeat. I only allow my strict schedule to be interrupted by tears… of shame.
Shame mostly because I thought that my business school diploma, my professional certification and my hard work would be enough to spare me from the impacts of this pandemic. Shame because I am someone who takes so much pride in my work and without a job I feel unempowered. Hence, I can’t help but feel like I’ve lost control and have nothing to show for. My status needs to be reestablished as soon as possible and by any means necessary.
Commence a regimen of researching companies, applying on job postings, reaching out to recruiters, scheduling interviews, introductory calls with recruiters, interviews with hiring managers, case study assignments.
In parallel to my job search, I need to break my lease, store my furniture, pack two suitcases with what I believe that I’ll need for an undetermined period of time and figure out a way back to my hometown of Montreal,Canada as the border is closing and flights are being cancelled.
A moment of gratitude for my spreadsheet who brings comfort in knowing that every action item related to my job loss, my job search and my move back home is being carefully tracked.
After about 4 weeks, there is a moment during a call with a recruiter where I literally become nauseous at the idea of having to continue with the interview process. Something in me is telling me that it’s time for me to slow down. And on that day, just like that, I decide to stop interviewing and start being mindful about the next phase of my journey.
Slow thinking — Transitioning with mindfulness
From that moment I decide to allow myself some time and mental space to rest, meditate, read and during this time I come across some literature that aligns and supports my decision to slow down. In her book Edge: Turning Adversity into Advantage, author Laura Huang states the following;
“Downtime is crucial not only for replenishing the brain’s stores of attention and motivation but also for sustaining the cognitive processes that allow us to fully develop our humanity. It’s how we consolidate memories, integrate what we have learned, plan for the future, maintain our moral compass, and construct our sense of ourselves.”
Constructing my sense of self when it comes to my career is the theme that resonates with me as I realize that this chapter in my life is the perfect catalyst to finding a role that is in line with what I truly want to be doing next. It is the best time to transition from the path of financial analysis that I truthfully didn’t want to get back to, to a career path in finance project and program management, which is something that I’ve been wanting to pursue for a while.
In order to successfully transition during this time of change, I know that I need to mindfully and strategically hold space for my transition and really take the time to define how I want to contribute with my skill set and show up as the best version of myself for my next role. As Oprah would say, what I know for sure is that this moment is a necessary detour.
Creating my next track
Today marks the 60th day since my layoff. This is quite symbolic for me as it is what USCIS describes as a grace period once you are laid off. And I must say that although I do not see it yet, I do know that there is grace in this moment that I will one day appreciate as I look back on my journey.
